This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
