im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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