a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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