I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
