Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
