Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
