Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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