ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
