high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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