let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
