Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
