Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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