u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
