I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
