I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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