I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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