my vag is so smooth its legendary
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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