Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
