I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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