I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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