just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
