My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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