sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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