Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
