I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
