so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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