I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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