I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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