True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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