I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
