I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
