My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
