Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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