Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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