Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
