I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
