I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
