He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
