Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
