I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
