You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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