The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
