she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
