What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
