Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
