Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dick very happy bro
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
