ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
