she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
