I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
