Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
