So drunk its hurt
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
