is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
