Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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