My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
