Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
