I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
