definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
