This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
