It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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