i permit you to call me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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